my birthday

today's my 55th birthday, halfway between 50 and 60, the very middle of middle age. i feel pretty darn happy with my life. it's not perfect, but i like who i am and what i do, and i intend to keep growing into the awakened being that i am.

i've invited friends and family to join me this evening at casa de luz, about 6:30 or so, for a low-key birthday gathering and healthy dinner. no RSVP, no gifts or cards, just your presence is the present!

retest of food sensitivities--good news

i don't have candida!

and i'm sensitive to fewer foods than last year, with some sensitivities remaining the same, some gone--and some new ones.

first, the candida. early last year i tested "weakly positive" with a 1:3000 antibody titer ratio. 3000 is the borderline between negative and weakly positive. i followed the strict candida diet for 2 months and remained influenced by it for the rest of the year.

after a couple of months, i could tell a difference--like being able to read really difficult books that i wouldn't have even attempted previously. there were other positive health changes, but i'm not sure whether to attribute them to clearing candida or avoiding toxic foods. brain fog seems to clearly be attributed to candida. i FELT like i had probably cleared the excess candida, but didn't KNOW.

now i have scientific proof that the candida in my body is in balance. the antibody titer ratio on january 16 2008 was 1:500. yea! huge improvement!

now about the food sensitivities.

the ones that are the same are:
baker's yeast +3
brewer's yeast +3
wheat +1
kidney bean +1

they also did a gluten antibody assay, since wheat showed up 2 years in a row. i don't have gluten intolerance or celiac, just a sensitivity to anything wheat. i eat spelt bread (yeastless, of course), and...now i can have oats.

the foods that i was sensitive to last year but am no longer:
oat +1
pinto bean +1
white potato +1
radish +1
sugar cane +1
tomato +1

i stopped at whole foods and got some potato soup to celebrate. i can now have refried pinto beans and salsa with tomatoes. i can have oatmeal. but not too often... dr. cynthia schade said it would still be wise to limit servings of these formerly toxic items to once every 4 days. no problem!

i had already decided that if i turned out to no longer be sensitive to sugar cane, i would still avoid sugar, since it has no nutritive value and it feeds candida, and i want to keep my body balanced and not have to do that stringent candida diet again! i'm used to using stevia and agave syrup anyway now.

these are the new foods that i'm sensitive to, and i'm not sure how they turned up, since i don't eat them often:
amaranth +1
cherry +2
pea +1
snapper +1

i'll miss the cherries when they're in season. other than that, it's not that big a deal.

sad to say, i learned today that the state of texas' insurance, blue cross blue shield, is no longer covering the cost of the immuno1 bloodprint food sensitivity assay. the cost is about $550. so...next year, i'll do it out of pocket, or just do challenge testing on my own.

keep love in your heart

keep love in your heart. a life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. the consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.

~ oscar wilde

going carless

i have done something evolutionary. i joined austin carshare. i plan to get rid of my 1991 miata, which has served me well for many years, and convert to being a walker, biker, user of public transportation, user of carshare, and appreciative ride sharer with friends and family.

when i returned from maui, my car wouldn't start. i walked to work for a couple of days, then had the car towed to the mechanic's when it wouldn't hold a charge.

i love walking from my mechanic's at i-35 & 38th to work at 15th & congress. in fact, i love walking to and from work, period. i love being in my moving body, connecting to nature, connecting to the city, connecting with the people i encounter, even if just to make eye contact and smile (or not). i don't get those little perks of being a living human being when i'm driving a car.

when the car died again after running for about a week, i figured it was nearing its end. the miata was feeling and showing its age--rattles, a cracked bumper, threadbare upholstery, exhaust stains. for the last few years, i've been crossing my fingers when i took it in for inspection.

also, it only had two seats, a real limitation since my family has grown. although i loved my miata, i didn't want to replace it with another one.

i researched used cars and realized that before i bought another car, i wanted to really check out alternatives. i had not had to make car payments for many years. even though i was averaging 28 mpg with the miata, gas prices, i imagine, will just keep going up. i'm concerned about the environment and want to keep emissions down. and...i just got back from maui, where i was more physically active than usual, and i really enjoyed that. even though my maui vacation ended [sob], hmm, i figured i could continue to feel pretty great by being more physically active in austin.

i remembered reading about austin carshare when it first started in austin, maybe a year ago, and looked it up online, www.austincarshare.org. times have changed.

i live close in, just east of downtown austin, and i work in the capitol complex 1.5 miles from home. the weather in austin is pretty decent most of the time for walking and biking. i need a car most for hauling stuff like groceries home, and for getting places too far to walk or bike or take a bus to, and when the weather is really really bad.

so i decided to give it a try, to commit to using carshare for 4 months, through the end of may. i don't have much to lose when i consider the wellness benefits of walking and biking. i'll keep tabs on my transportation expenses and compare costs. and i will report on my experiences using this blog.

at the end of may i will figure out if i really NEED to buy a used car (and i'll have more money saved for one) or if i want to keep using carshare. when i joined, i made my $300 deposit into a donation, so already i've helped an organization i like and i get a tax write-off. the monthly membership cost is $10, and i pay $4/hour and $.44/mile for actual use.

stay tuned!

subscribe to poetry

panhala sends me a poem with a photo regularly. it's always a pleasure to receive in my inbox and discover what poet, poem, and photo they've selected for that day. http://www.panhala.net/Archive/Index.html, scroll down to subscribe.

today the poem is this lovely yearning prayer by octavio paz:

sandstone

door of being, dawn and wake me,
allow me to see the face of this day,
allow me to see the face of this night,
all communicates, all is transformed,
arch of blood, bridge of the pulse,
take me to the other side of this night,
where I am you, we are us,
the kingdom where pronouns are intertwined,

door of being: open your being
and wake, learn to be ....

~ Octavio Paz ~
(Sunstone/Piedra de Sol, translated by Eliot Winberger)

touched by maui's mana

the kingdom of maui in the hawaiian islands is the most beautiful place i've ever been. going to maui is like falling in love! you can't stop smiling! and it just gets better.

it might start with the ordinary act of breathing, when you realize the air is perfumed with the scents of fragrant flowers, and that with every breath, you are inhaling the pheromones of tropical plants that are rampantly going mad for pollenation and reproduction! it can't help but make you feel foolish and happy.

or it might start with the feel of your skin on this island. the temperatures are moderate all the time, except when you go to the high elevations. in most places, there's no need for heating or air conditioning. people leave their windows open. it rains a lot (except on the dry side), but it is usually a misty rain, not thunderstorms. it can be warm, but not oppressively so. most of the time, it's very comfortable to wear flip-flops, shorts, and a tank top, or a swimsuit and pareo. you might take a hoodie or shawl with you, just in case you encounter a cool breezy spot. "balmy" is a word invented to describe the skin-feel of maui.

or it might start with your feet being on the ground of maui, which is part of the most remote island group in the world. it being a volanic island, with an "active" volcano (that hasn't erupted since 1790), you are standing on some of the newest earth on this planet, earth that comes up from the depths, from the mantle of our planet, the mantle that is so hot, it melts rock. you are standing on fresh, rich minerals. it can't help but have an influence.

or could it start with the rainbows? in my 3 weeks on maui, i saw rainbows nearly every day. they were especially prevalent driving between upcountry and the north shore. partial rainbows, full rainbows, double rainbows, sometimes with brilliant, dense colors... not to mention moonbows... i was lucky enough to see a full moonbow on christmas eve 2007 as one of lori's dinner guests on the deck of amara pagano's house in maui. moonbows are silvery white. they can only be seen when the moon is near full and low in the sky behind you, and precipitation is present in the direction you are looking. i felt extremely privileged to have witnessed that moonbow!

or could it start with the abundance of maui? the tropical climate, volcanic soil, and nourishing rains make it an incredibly verdant fertile place for plants. there's tropical fruit everywhere, so much that in places, it falls on the ground and gets run over by cars. no one could ever go hungry in maui--there's coconut, mango, pineapple, papaya, lilikoi, guava, citrus, avocado, cute and tasty little bananas, even exotics like rambutan, sweetsop, soursop, durian, breadfruit, and many more! just about anyone who owns property has fruit growing there, and many homes along the highways in rural areas have honor-system roadside fruit stands.

the love affair with maui could definitely start with its visual appeal. on a map it looks like a sea turtle seen from above, minus fins. on the ground, it is like being on the torso of a huge pregnant goddess, with the volcano haleakala being the hugely swollen belly, the west maui mountains being multiple breasts, and the central flat and narrow isthmus separating upper and lower body. from the ground, it is hard to avoid seeing mountains or volcano or both and hard to avoid seeing the surrounding sea. in some places you can see both north and south coasts. upcountry you can see both, and see the weather coming in as well. and if you're lucky enough to be atop haleakala at a clear moment, how blessed could you get, to be able to look down see all of maui and the surrounding smaller islands and look across the channel to see the big island and its volcanoes in the distance? i'm going back for that!

the energy in maui is definitely different. it's softer, subtler, more sensual, more giving, more vibrant, more alive.

and i haven't even said anything about the things you can do there. just being there is enough to change your energy, and on top of that, you can go to any of the 81 beaches, some with colored sand(!), where you can swim, snorkel, dive, sunbathe, and just feast your eyes on the restful oceanic horizon and watch the waves roll in. (speaking of which, pe'ahi, the wave that the surfers call "jaws", is at maui.) there are coral reefs with fabulously brilliant fish, turtle "cleaning stations", dolphins, and whales. there's surfing, windsurfing, boogie boarding, parasailing, hang-gliding... hiking in many environments from rainforest to lava cliffs to volcanic cinder cones... horseback riding (maui has many horses, and one part of it is dry, with cactus and mesquite, like so much of texas)... ziplines... you get the picture. it would take years to exhaust the recreational opportunities maui offers.

and then there's the road to hana. you cannot miss this if you go to maui! take a couple of hours to drive the 35 miles, curve after curve, following the rugged and verdant eastern coast, with frequent waterfalls and breathtaking views. stop often! this is the part where you get absolutely crazy in love, with your eyes crossed and tongue hanging out! be still, my heart!

then there's the culture. a beautiful poetic language coming back from near extinction. the accomplishments of people who explored and settled the pacific islands in canoes. it was a 30-day journey north for them to reach the hawaiian islands. how did they do it? how did they know where to find them, or even that they were there at all? navigation is a nearly lost art, now being revived.

the most important hawaiian word you can learn is mana. according to wikipedia, "Mana is a traditional term that refers to a concept among the speakers of Oceanic languages, including Melanesians, Polynesians, and Micronesians. It is an impersonal force or quality that resides in people, animals, and inanimate objects and that instills in the appreciative observer a sense of respect or wonder. In anthropological discourse, mana as a generalized concept has attained a significant amount of interest; often understood as a precursor to formal religion. It has commonly been interpreted as 'the stuff of which magic is formed,' as well as the substance of which souls are made."

maui has wondrous mana. i'm going back.

we are interdimensional travelers

Actually, your real identity is that you are an interdimensional traveler who arrived from some other dimension at birth and who, almost every day, travels to another dimension called the dream time, has a guaranteed portal out of this matrix called death, and who interpenetrates with the varied dimensions generated by other human psyches. The life that weighs so heavily on your mind is merely one time line.--Jonathan Zapp, zaporacle.com

we are the sun's way of thinking about itself

I guess it shouldn't surprise us to find ourselves linked with the stars. Every atom of gold or silver jewelry was created in supernovas. The water we drink, the air we breathe, the ground we walk, the complicated pouch of fluids and salts and minerals and bones we are--all forged in some early chaos of our sun. I think it was the astrophysicist John Wheeler who remarked that we are the sun's way of thinking about itself.--Diane Ackerman, A Slender Thread: Rediscovering Hope at the Heart of Crisis

the studio maui: a template for a successful studio

i got to dance the 5 rhythms at the studio maui several times in december. in fact, that was the original reason for making the trip to maui. lori smullin, formerly of austin's sweat your prayers, was the guest 5 rhythms teacher at the studio maui from early december 2007 to early january 2008. in february 2007, she invited participants at her austin 5R workshop to come dance with her in maui. maui + 5R = ecstasy! several of her california dancers came as well.

at the studio maui, lori taught a 5 rhythms class on tuesday nights and facilitated sweat your prayers on thursday nights and sunday mornings. interestingly, the largest crowd came on thursday nights. the average for that night was 85; 150 came for lori's last SYP on jan 3.

i want to share information about the studio maui, because i was very impressed with the quality of the facility, teachers, programming, and professional way it is run. i wondered, why isn't there something like this in austin? austin could easily support it. so i'm putting it out there to get a discussion going and to see if i can generate an intent for it to happen in enough people that it CAN happen!

the studio maui is in haiku, a spectacularly beautiful area in the northeast part of maui. haiku is near ho'okipa, the beach renowned for its windsurfing, and pe'ahi, the wave nicknamed "jaws" by surfers, who must be towed out to surf it. haiku is inland a few miles, where it's rainy and green and rainbows and moonbows are common. the town isn't large, but there are a lot of rural residents in the haiku and paia and makawao and hali'imaile areas. maui being not a very large island, it's in driving distance for anyone who lives central, which is the majority of the population.

the studio maui has a website that you can check out. www.thestudiomaui.com. you can get a 360-degree view of the studios on the website. yes, there are multiple studios. the floors are fantastic, the sound system is great, the whole design is lovely, with niches for sound equipment and altars, cubbies for purses and water near the entrance, and plenty of in-wall storage for chairs, etc. (they do satsang, deeksha, and kirtan there too.)

the entrance lobby is well-designed, with a desk and attendant, a seating area, a counter with stools, a cooler with water and local raw chocolates, and a store selling clothing, CDs, books, etc. you can see it on the website.

i loved dancing the 5 rhythms there! i have long danced with a small 5R peer group in austin a couple of times a month on sunday mornings. it was lovely to experience a crowd all dancing the rhythms. no one sitting out, no one lying on the floor until stillness, everyone dancing the rhythms with great presence. no flying leaps or running. it was too crowded for that, anyway.

in fact, lori was adamant that in her 5R classes and SYP, she expected dancers' feet to be on the floor. two or three men voiced objections, and she pointed out that they had paid for a 5R class or SYP, and that was what she was going to provide, not to mention that it hurt her feelings to have something she's committed her life to teaching slammed like that, in a place where she'd been invited to teach. that effectively shut them up, and they stayed and danced the rhythms.

one of the sweetest customs at the studio maui was the basket of washcloths. in one corner of the big studio, there was an attractive lined basket filled with rolled-up clean white washcloths. they were for wiping the sweat off. next to it was a different shaped basket for depositing used ones. many dancers tucked one into their waistband as they danced.

i'd never seen anything like it and asked geordie (jahner, the visionary, co-investor, managing director, and 5R teacher who created the studio maui, and whose architect husband designed it) about it. she said that because maui is so humid and often warm, it just made sense.

it seems like an eminently adoptable custom to adopt in austin. in fact, since i returned, i bought 4 dozen white washcloths and a couple of containers to use at 5R and lakshmi's dance events.

i hope body choir would consider adopting this custom, seeing as how some grievous injuries have occurred there on sweat-laden floors, when the number of dancers overwhelms the HVAC capacity, particularly in the warm seasons. i'm not volunteering since i don't attend regularly. i just want to put the idea out there.

the studio maui's website lists its mission as one of facilitating the growth of "conscious movement." i like that term! it includes yoga of all types, pilates, 5R, soul motion, qi gong, belly dance, nia, tango, hip hop, dance jam, and feldenkrais classes, and workshops in all those areas plus continuum and authentic movement and areas so on the cutting edge, they aren't known yet.

the studio maui also serves as a community center for spiritual gatherings, such as satsang with ram dass and others, kirtan with jai uttal and others, and deeksha.

so...if anyone has a will to create something like this in austin, please get in touch with me.

first post of 2008

it's been awhile since i've posted anything. not that nothing has been going on! a couple of things of note:

i went to maui for 3 weeks in december and january. i danced at the studio maui, doing the 5 rhythms with a group of very fit, very sexy hawaiians! i snorkeled, hiked in forests, sunbathed, climbed streambeds, went up a volcano, hiked to waterfalls, and generally spent a lot of time just taking in the incredibly beauty of maui.

also, i completed my NLP practitioner training! i began last april and just received my certificate on january 27, 2008. i can use techniques such as the phobia-trauma cure and the allergy counter-example technique (and many more) to relieve emotional and physical suffering. signing up for that training started a process of evolutionary change that is ongoing.

i'll be writing more about these experiences.