Monday, August 27, 2007

on vacation

i am off work until after labor day! this is an "at home" vacation, using up some comp time from the legislative session. i'm spending my time off getting caught up on chores around the house and yard, doing some writing, and doing some fun stuff. the writing will result in new posts when ready. i'm cookin'!

yesterday i went with lela to see hannah start off second grade. i'm going to pick hannah up after school tomorrow and we'll go swimming or bike-riding if it isn't raining. wednesday i will have lunch with her at school. when i asked her if she'd like that, she got a huge smile on her face.

did a lot of weeding this morning. my arms are itchy and scratched up. i like gardening, but i'd hire a gardener for some of the work if i could afford it.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

words of wisdom

my waking thought of yesterday, "my body is my instrument," has inspired me. here are a few other words of wisdom:

everyone is doing the best they can.
one day at a time.
will this matter?
no one knows the future.
[whatever your fortune cookie says], in bed.
don't sweat the small stuff. it's all small stuff.
feel my feet. (zoe)

what are some words of wisdom you live by?

bussing life

originally posted jul 13 2007 on myspace

yesterday morning i took my car into the mechanic's. i take it to duratune, at 38-1/2 and I-35. they've worked on my old, paid-for miata for years and have good experience with keeping older cars running.

i explain to philip, the owner, that one of my miata's retractable headlights has jammed, and the passenger window is stuck in the "up" position, and the crank broke when i tried using force.
he writes this down and says he'll call me once he gets into it and has an idea of how to fix these problems. i fill out the rest of the form, leave the key, and start walking.

i'm walking south on red river towards my workplace in the capitol complex. i could, and have, walked this before, but i think i might want to catch a bus if i don't have to wait.

i approach a young man at the st. david's bus stop to ask if i can get directly downtown from there. he says yes. and just then, the red river bus pulls up!

i love these moments of serendipity or synchronicity or whatever you want to call it when what i desire shows up right when i desire it, and everything is a greenlight GO. i feel blessed, like the universe is smiling on me.

i stuff my dollar into the slot and take a seat. i have an attitude about riding the bus, that it is a good thing to do occasionally. don't get me wrong--i love having a car, but riding the bus is a broadening experience.

people ride the bus for many reasons. they are poor and don't have a car, or perhaps they can't drive, or they really do care that much about the environment, or they are like most of the rest of they world, accustomed to using mass transit daily. whatever. it's an opportunity to sit among a diverse assortment of people.

and capital metro buses are clean and air conditioned.

i am on the bus, looking at my fellow bus riders, seeing who's there. a young couple with a baby, a well-dressed man from india or the middle east, an older man wearing glasses and a hat who was reading a book, a young woman, and so forth. everyone is minding their own business. even the young couple doesn't talk.

the bus crosses MLK, and i pull the cord to get off at the next stop, which is the UT school of nursing 3 blocks from work. i exit the bus and start walking down the sidewalk. the young woman disembarks too and is walking behind me in the same direction.

then i hear her say, "excuse me, ma'am."

i turn. "yes?"

"did you know your shirt is on inside out?"

"pardon me?"

"your shirt is on inside out. the tag is on the outside."

i feel the tag myself, confirming her observation. i am walking down the sidewalk just like a normal person, but with my shirt on inside out.

i thank her for telling me. then i feel embarrassed. how did this come to be?

i remember reaching in my closet, grabbing the shirt off a hanger, and hurriedly putting it on. it's a hippie shirt. not vintage but in that style--made of gauze with a mostly blue patchwork print, three-quarter bell sleeves, slits at the side seams, embroidery around the neckline, and a tie of embroidery thread. looks good with my bell-cut jeans, reminds me of my youth. it's hard to tell the seams are on the outside, but they are.

it must have been on the hanger inside out, because when i put away laundry, i was in a hurry and didn't notice. that's my story, and i'm sticking to it.

i laugh at the wonder of myself, and realize i can change it to right-side out when i get to work. i enjoy the rest of my walk, across waterloo park and into the REJ building.

and so now i have a new category of people to add to those who you might encounter riding the bus or walking down the street: perfectly normal people with their clothing on inside out. i am amongst them.

you eat what you are, or living with food allergies

originally posted aug 1 2007 on myspace

back in december, i was at my chiropractor's (active life chiropractic, http://www.austinactivelife.com/), and she, dr. cynthia schade, mentioned that ALC was now offering food sensitivity testing that was thorough and rigorous. i had long suspected that i might have food sensitivities, but didn't have any major symptoms like hives or anaphylaxis. more like occasional diarrhea, cramps, gas.

dr. schade said that my health insurance would cover the cost of testing, so i thought, why not?
i had my blood drawn and sent to a lab. a couple of weeks later, i got the results: i was sensitive to baker's yeast, brewer's yeast, sugar cane, wheat, oats, tomatoes, white potatoes, kidney beans, pinto beans, and radishes. 10 things to avoid.

so, i changed my diet in january. no more refried beans, chips and salsa, my favorite comfort foods. no more oatmeal on a cold winter morning. i wasn't a big bread or potato eater. i didn't eat much sugar, and i could do without radishes altogether. tomatoes were going to be hard.
then dr. schade said that because yeast and sugar cane showed up on my list, she wanted me tested for candida as well. that came up weakly positive. i began the candida diet around the first of february.

the candida diet is even stricter--avoid fruit or fruit juice, fermented products like vinegar, most dairy, most grain products, cured and smoked products, mushrooms, alcohol, caffeine, peanuts, ANY type of sweetener except stevia, etc.

this was going to be a little tougher. soy sauce is fermented, not to mention that it often contains wheat. salad dressings contain vinegar. "evaporated cane juice" is a euphemism for sugar. potato starch lurks in health food crackers.

i got healthily obsessed with cleaning up my diet and my digestive tract. what motivated me was my curiosity about how i might feel if i tried it. if i'd been allergic to, or sensitive to, some of these foods all my life, and had never gone more than a few days without eating several of them, then i really couldn't know what it was to feel completely healthy.

i have no idea how long i might have had candida, but i suspect for years. i started taking birth control pills at 17 or 18 and took them for much of twenties. i'd had a few rounds of antibiotics. i'd had more than my share of stress.

i was open to the question, what if i could feel better than i've ever felt or could even imagine feeling? that sure seemed like something worth finding out. it would be a few months of extra attention and discipline, but what would i lose? it would be changing habits, sure, but i wouldn't starve.

so i went through my fridge and pantry and got rid of three bags of groceries. i read the labels on everything at the store. i ate mostly fish, greens, salads with annie's vinegar-free dressings, and grains like quinoa, amaranth, and millet.

i took a supplement called candex to kill the excess candida, and i started making and drinking coconut water kefir, which contains probiotics, to help populate my gut with healthy bacteria. this is part of the body ecology diet for candida (see http://www.bodyecologydiet.com/).
i saw a nutritionist, gabriella rivera, who helped me find ways to deal with the changes, like eating kale for expansion when i craved sweets and using kundalini techniques to keep my energy balanced.

i noticed changes after a couple of months. i felt smarter! i noticed that i could more easily remember the names of people i'd been introduced to, and i could read more advanced books than i'd been used to. one of the candida symptoms is called "brain fog". my brain fog lifted, and sunshine came in. i am quite enjoying this now. my mental processes are clearer.
i used to take claritin for pollen allergies. i no longer needed it.

i no longer had sudden onsets of fatigue.

wonderfully, my digestive system was stable and predictable. this is subtle, but delightful.
my energy feels more stable and balanced than it has in years. i am a different person than i was, and it has opened new doors for me.

the changes in my diet have become lifestyle changes. i don't adhere to the candida diet as strictly now, but am aware of when i eat something formerly prohibited, and try not to eat it very much or very often.

i eat a wider variety of foods and make sure to have something probiotic like coconut kefir, dairy kefir, or yogurt every day.

i've discovered that a tablespoon of wakame, a dried kelp, is as good as a bag of microwave popcorn. it satisfies that desire for something salty and crunchy.

i no longer crave sugar. i can have fruit now, and a rice cake with tahini and sugar-free black cherry preserves makes an excellent snack or dessert. i don't even like having sugar in my house any more!

when i grocery shop, i usually go to wheatsville now. my cart is about 75% produce now, with fish, dairy, and packaged and bulk items making up the rest. i also eat at home more often, and take yogurt and fruit to work for breakfast and salad makings for lunch. i spend less on food, overall, while eating more healthily.

i feel like my body is really absorbing these nutrients!

i will be retested in december, and then i will learn whether my candida is officially in balance, and which of the 10 items were temporary sensitivities, and which might be lifelong. it's been a rewarding experiment.

waking thoughts

ever wake up in the morning and have a very clear thought? i did, yesterday, and my thought was "my body is my instrument."


maybe it's not about "being wise" but "following wisdom". i follow this thought because it's wise. i imagine my instrument as an old violin or cello, delicate but sturdy, rich and mellow, affected by temperature and humidity, capable of making the most exquisitely expressive music.

eye accessing cues

originally published aug 20 2007 on myspace

i just completed my third weekend of NLP practitioner training. (that's Neuro Linguistic Programming for the uninitiated...google it if you wish, or just stay tuned to this blog.) i love this training. i will post something soon about what all i can now offer, because it's really useful stuff, like how to get over phobias and traumas, stuff like that.

anyway, working a full-time job and doing two days of training over a weekend makes it hard to get everything done that i usually do on weekends. got laundry done friday night, the dishes done last night, tonight after RC (reevaluation counseling...google it...don't i make you mad telling you this?...but my mom made me look everything up in the dictionary in the hard old days so rejoice for google) with my buddy john, i'll get the grocery shopping done, or at least some of it.

good thing i'm off work next week--can really get caught up with housework, chores on house, thrift store shopping, swimming at barton springs...

here's tiny bit of what i learned this weekend, just a teaser for NLP. it's about eye movements.
for 80-90% of people, when they look up and to their right (left to you as you face them), they are imagining a visual image they've constructed. where do your eyes go when i ask you to imagine a purple poodle with green wings?

when they look up and to their left (right to you), they are accessing a visual memory. what color was your first car?

(note: if you ask someone about an event they said they attended, and their eyes look up and to their right, they're making it up. if they look up and to their left, they are actually remembering.)

looking down and to the right means someone is accessing a kinesthetic state--physical or emotional sensations in his or her body. how is your elbow feeling now?

a look down and to the left means someone is listening to their internal dialogue. what happens when you tell yourself you can do it?

again, this pattern isn't true of everyone all the time, but it is true for the majority of people most of the time. the pattern also applies to gestures--when people are talking, where are their hands? they are showing you their mental maps with their eyes and hands.

most fascinating is the unproven hypothesis that these activities actually map to areas of their brains in which neurons are firing. and i wonder how the activity of dreaming in REM sleep compares to this...

next time you're watching someone in REM sleep, see if you can tell where their eyeballs are pointed under their closed eyelids-- if they are primarily looking up or down. when they wake, ask them if the dream was primarily visual or emotional. and let me know!

the big implication to me is that if you want more flexible resources for dealing with life's complexities and challenges, make a daily practice of rolling your eyes in each direction. then make a box, an X, and a + with your eyeballs. do it in the other direction. it's a brain warmup. you can also do this when you need a break from something. it's literally a way to break state!

angels at the tavern door

originally posted aug 17 2007 on myspace, which i abandoned for blogger.

last saturday night, i had a great pleasure of attending a poetry reading by robert bly and coleman barks. It was a benefit for texas nafas, which i understand is a nonprofit that has something to do with poetry education, and the founder is a friend of barks, because barks came here 2-3 years ago without bly.

maybe he liked austin so much he persuaded bly to come.

anyway, it was billed as "angels at the tavern door" with a focus first on the poetry of rumi and then on each poet's own poetry. the fabulous mundi ensemble provided musical accompaniment.

i enjoyed hearing rumi (or any good poetry) read aloud by poets who are great readers-aloud. what grabbed my attention most was the contrast between the two men. coleman barks is a sweet southern man with a lovely drawl; robert bly was plain and simply a crusty old fart. i hear he's from minnesota. they obviously know each other fairly well. both write their own poems and translate those of other poets from foreign lands and from long-ago times. i think you can safely say these guys really know how to get inside a poem.

barks had rehearsed with the musicians. bly hadn't, and occasionally he tried to direct them, to comic effect.

both of them danced with their hands as they read rumi. bly read a poem by hafez too.
after intermission, barks did some shapenote singing of an old southern hymn with one of his poems and then challenged bly to "top that". bly has been writing american ghazals (ecstatic poems), and had the audience repeat a key phrase.

standing ovation, of course...with an encore.

some of my dinner companions afterwards were offended by bly making a remark that could be construed as offensive. after intermission, he asked for the house lights to be turned back on so he could see the audience. no one responded, and he grumbled something like, "you'd think they could get that right at the school for the deaf."

i can see how it could be construed as offensive, but i also had to admire bly, who seemed very present and willing to take risks and make mistakes. he puts himself out there and doesn't hide his feelings or opinions.

i hadn't been much of a fan of his before now. his reputation for iron john and the men's movement gave me an impression that he wouldn't have much to say to me, that he was primarily addressing men's issues. i was wrong. still don't own any bly poetry books, but i'm willing to, now.

several of coleman barks' poems were repeats from a few years ago. he read them well. i enjoyed hearing them again but would have liked to hear ones that were new to me.

all in all, a good evening.